I moved to NYC last September to get a master’s degree. I graduate in May, and so far I’ve had no luck in finding a job. I’ve had two internships, and I would gladly take another, if I could get it. The publishing industry is rapidly evolving, and while the need for content will always be there, perhaps certain jobs and positions won’t be. I’ve been told people are proud of the things I’ve done. And a friend said to me that I moved here for my “dream job,” so I should be happy that I’m even getting, or taking, the chance.

But the truth is. I have no idea if this is my dream or not. I have no idea what I truly want out of life. Well, I thought I knew. I really thought I had it all figured out. And then last year, that part of my life was gone. Just like that. And I can’t help but have the thought that if I hadn’t moved, if I hadn’t left home to pursue this thing that I wasn’t really 100% sure about anyway, that maybe that part of my life would still be in tact and I would be happier. As graduation looms, and potential joblessness, I keep turning my thoughts back to Michigan, back to home. But I doubt things could ever be the same, even if we both wanted them to be. And what would I do in Michigan? Move back with my mom (no offense meant, I love being around her, but I’d be closer to 30 than 20, and still living with my parents. No thanks.) And what would I do for a job there any more than I would do for a job here? At least at home I’d have people I know and love, and a lower cost of living. But I’d feel useless, and like I wasted my time, and money, even doing this in the first place.

I have about 5 months to get my shit together. But right now I’ve never felt so conflicted and truly lost in my entire life.

“I do get annoyed with the inconsistent Americanizations in the US-texts–sometimes Harry wears sneakers, and sometimes trainers. Sometimes they have sweaters, and sometimes they have jumpers. Either always use the British word for something or always use the American!”

I bet there are a lot of inconsistencies in books five and on. And I bet I could tell you exactly why, too. If Manuela Soares was dead, she’d be turning over in her grave reading that quote.

That is all.

I want to go to the crappy planet where I’m a hero!

Which will be coming out of pocket, if I don’t get any financial aid for the summer.

I need to find a job that isn’t Best Buy. But right now I need to study for midterms. I’ll work on the job bit over spring break.

However, my roommate Liz, who has consistently proved herself to be a selfish inconsiderate prick, talked on the phone with a guy for like 20 minutes, and then suddenly the guy was here in the room and they turned on a light and were being all annoying and fooling around (on Emma’s bed no less) and the dude kept saying “shhhhhh” and eventually I just said “I’m already fucking awake so it doesn’t even matter” and they thought that turning off the light and then talking in whispers would somehow automatically lull me to sleep. So then they proceeded to have sex on Emma’s bed with three other people in the room. and they KNEW i was awake. I’m glad I had headphones and my ipod handy. I think I would’ve vomited if I had to actually listen to what was happening. Luckily for me, it only lasted like .2 seconds.

All this led to supreme anger and frustration. and I didn’t actually fall asleep until about 6 AM.

Tomorrow I will fill in the details of our evening, but for now I will leave you with this.

After her rescue, while she was recovering from hypothermia and dehydration at Richmond University Medical Center in Staten Island, she was told that she was suffering from dissociative fugue, a rare form of amnesia that causes people to forget their identity, suddenly and without warning, and can last from a few hours to years.

You forget who you are, but remember all the details of how to do day to day stuff. Apparently she logged into Gmail while she was missing but had no idea who the emails were to or from; it was just a response cuz she did it at the computer all the time. That’s so scary. Somebody even asked her if she was the missing Pace student, and she denied it, not knowing that she actually was! How bizarre.